For some of us, there comes a time in life when a mental shift happens. Things start to stir in us and we can’t continue to live the way that we always have. It all started for me when I realized my life was not going where I wanted it to.
I was miserable, depressed, and at the mercy of all the damaged little people I carried around with me. Mental and emotional inertia. All the emotional states and patterns of belief about myself and my world that trauma had driven deep into my brain and into my heart. The sum total of all of that? Learned helplessness.
I am convinced that at the heart of depression lies the unrecognized belief that there is no way out. That there is no power for change. My wretched and ugly “story” had become my reality. The “story” had me chained, hand and foot. Bad things always happen to me. Getting hurt repeatedly is inevitable. Everything is my fault. I don’t trust anyone, people are not safe. Good things are not available to me. I was dragging around beliefs that were the equivalent of a giant anvil. And more importantly, I realized that I loathed myself. It was time to break those chains.
And so, I sat down at my computer and wrote a statement of intent. What is a statement of intent? It is a formal declaration that the author has a serious intention of doing something under specific conditions and at a specified time. A mission statement if you will. Things were going to change and I was going to change them. Victims stop being victims the moment they recognize their power to choose. I was choosing.
The first step out of learned helplessness is to take on board the idea that you can choose. That choice is available to you. Even if you don’t actually believe it, take it on board anyway. I choose to take charge of my own life. I choose to change the mental habits that hold me back. I choose to heal my brokenness. I choose to love myself, radically, relentlessly, wholeheartedly.
The statement that I wrote started with “Today I make a solemn promise to myself to love myself, to be kind, compassionate and nurturing to myself…..” Those are fightin’ words honey. Because if you loathe yourself, you will never be free to nurture your own life.
The statement that I wrote hangs on my wall right next to my desk where I see it every single day. So that I am daily reminded that I have chosen to love myself, to nurture my own life, to believe in my own value. I am not helpless. I am not a victim. The “story” does not own me or determine the course of my life. I have chosen.
How to Write Your Own Statement of Intent:
Writing a statement of intent is a powerful affirmation to yourself that you intend to do something specific, something life-changing. It makes your positive plans for yourself and for your life more concrete. It is a way of saying “I choose”, and then putting that choice in front of your face every single day; a reminder that your positive intentions are more than words, they are the way you are choosing to live your life on a daily basis.
Keep it simple, straight forward, easy to remember, and include what is most important to you. Mine included these choices; to love myself, to forgive myself for not being everything I thought I should be, to not apologize for being who I am, and to choose to nurture and love my life.
Post Script: Thank you Kamal Ravikant. Your beautiful book was the beginning of my radical shift from trauma to freedom. “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It” put me on the path to radical love, acceptance, and personal transformation.
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