In previous Boot Camp lessons we learned how important it is to experience the true Self, what the fawn response is all about, and how to create feelings of safety in the body,
Today I’m going to wrap up the Boot Camp series with some final suggestions about relationships. Because boundaries, after all, are all about people. And as survivors, we’ve learned to mistrust people, to isolate ourselves and try to go it alone.
Don’t.
Developing relationships with healthy people is one of the most positive things you can do to heal. Healing does not happen in isolation. Social support and connection is everything in this game.
It’s hard, I know.
So here are some things to think about as you continue the work of learning to stand up for yourself:
1) Develop safety in your environment by surrounding yourself with people that you trust. It’s going to be difficult to establish boundaries if you are involved with people who refuse to respect them, or that continually behave in ways that make you feel unsafe.
2) You may find yourself sharing private thoughts and feelings in an attempt to connect with another person, or to get acceptance. In the hands of the wrong person, this may make you feel more vulnerable.
Learn to be careful about how much you share and with whom. Don’t share with anyone you instinctively know is not trustworthy.
3) Don’t isolate yourself. A healthy Self is not learned in isolation. We learn to love and accept ourselves through the love and acceptance of others, as well as giving love and compassion to our wounded parts.
Look for the people in your life that are emotionally healthy and spend more time with them.
And finally…
4) Choose courage over comfort. As you begin to experience yourself as a sovereign being, with a right to your own body, thoughts, feelings and needs, you can begin to defend that.
Be prepared for the fact that in the beginning, this can be really uncomfortable. Start with the small stuff first. Ground yourself in an experience of Self, and then go for it.
And be prepared to not back down when things get uncomfortable.
You’ve got this.
Until next time,
Anne
P.S. If you missed any of the Boundaries Boot Camp series, or if you want to share them with a friend, get them here:
If you need help learning how to develop boundaries, I’m here to help. Contact me HERE.